Five Before Chaos

Some adventurous bloke in the U.K. is now making scotch from the urine of elderly diabetics.

Let me know how it is, won’t you?

There’s a good bit over at Big Evil Orange that takes a look at the claims floating around about how many attended the Gathering of the Pasty, Privileged and Dumb in DC last weekend. Seems the 87,000 number  floating around is a helluva lot more accurate than the corpsefucking Glenn Beck’s numbers of a half million, which he probably got beamed to him from that crazy planet the Mormons believe in.

To recap:

* CBS low-end (78k): 13 sq. ft. per person
* CBS high-end (96k): 10 sq. ft. per person
* Beck low-end (300k): 3.3 sq. ft. per person
* Beck high-end (600k): 1.7 sq. ft. per person

What would those numbers mean in real life? Let’s look at it a couple of different ways. First, let’s assume each person was was in standing in the middle of a perfect square and that nobody else was inside of their square. What would the dimensions be of each person’s square?

* CBS low-end (78k): 43 inches by 43 inches
* CBS high-end (96k): 38 inches by 38 inches
* Beck low-end (300k): 22 inches by 22 inches
* Beck high-end (600k): 16 inches by 16 inches

Now let’s translate this to something most of us have experience with: airline seats. An airline seat is typically about 19 inches wide and there’s about 31 or 32 inches between each row. Roughly, that’s about 600 square inches or 4 square feet. So given that, how much area, in terms of airline seats, was the average person occupying according to these estimates?

* CBS low-end (78k): 3.1 airline seats of area per person
* CBS high-end (96k): 2.4 airline seats of area per person
* Beck low-end (300k): 0.8 airline seats of area per person
* Beck high-end (600k): 0.4 airline seats of area per person

I fully expect this to be rejected by any and all teabaggers because a) it’s at a liberal blog, so it couldn’t possibly be true, and b) it has actual statistics, numbers and evidence to back up its claims, which are anathema to teabaggers. Remember, Reagan said “Facts are stupid things.” Evidence and proof are elitist, dontcha know? Fuzzy math!! Reality is really only what the crazy voice in their heads (or on FOX news) sez it is. Anything else is soshalizm.

I’ve always been of a mixed feeling mindset in regard to the military. I’m not crazy or naive like some I know and feel as though we don’t need one. That wouldn’t have worked out too well for us in WWII.

I don’t like little-dicked macho horseshit that plagues some of ‘em and the complete conformity(necessary for it, but certainly not my thing),  as well as how a certain segment of society fetishizes the military as though military service is always “good” or superior or something like that. The big issue for me is that more often than not, the U.S. military is not used for “defense” in any stretch of the imagination, other than the defense of capital. And if you’re in it, in most cases, you gotta do what they tell you, no matter how wrong it may be. And before you jump down my throat, I’m speaking from experience, having had several close family members and some friends in the military, so it’s not like I’m pulling this out of my ass. And yes, there are some genuinely good people of conscience in there, too, so spare me your poutrage.

One thing that’s gotten scary is the seemingly increasing presence of evangelical Christianity in the Armed Forces, which is adding another layer of madness to the whole thing. It’s almost as though some top military brass somewhere feels that the best way to fight the radical Muslims is to have a bunch of our craziest Christians in there fighting them.  Theoretically, were that to happen, it would be a net plus for all of us, as we’d keep them out of the general population, but the sad fact remains that many soldiers do not subscribe to that insanity. Hell, Pat Tillman (remember him?) was an outspoken atheist.

So the latest in the Christofascist military complex story? Soldiers being punished for not going to a Christian rock concert. Apparently, the featured act was called BarlowGirl, a band that describes itself as taking “an aggressive, almost warrior-like stance when it comes to spreading the gospel and serving God.” Beautiful. So, anyways, it was very clear that this was some sort of evangelical event, and about eighty soldiers had their wits about them and chose, apparently under great pressure, not to attend. And so the vengeance of the Lard was swift and merciless:

“Those of us that chose not to attend (about 80, or a little less that half) were marched back to the company area. At that point the NCO issued us a punishment. We were to be on lock-down in the company (not released from duty), could not go anywhere on post (no PX, no library, etc). We were to go to strictly to the barracks and contact maintenance. If we were caught sitting in our rooms, in our beds, or having/handling electronics (cell phones, laptops, games) and doing anything other than maintenance, we would further have our weekend passes revoked and continue barracks maintenance for the entirety of the weekend. At that point the implied message was clear in my mind ‘we gave you a choice to either satisfy us or disappoint us. Since you chose to disappoint us you will now have your freedoms suspended and contact chores while the rest of your buddies are enjoying a concert.’

If you’ve ever heard Christian rock, it’s punishment enough, so perhaps the military punishment was actually better. Now some of you undoubtedly will say, yes, order, discipline, military blah-blah, if you’re in, you just bend over and take what they give you, whatever, but this is a bit different. Read the whole thing… it was “voluntary” yet they were ostracized for exercising their right not to attend. That ‘freedom of religion” thing doesn’t stop when you join the military. Hell, that’s why they allow for conscientious objectors.  So, hats off to those who chose not to attend, and furthermore, let’s hope the complaint they filed gets somewhere.  The already bloated military budget shouldn’t be going to fund this kind of crap. It’s bad enough it’s paying for weapons of mass destruction, weapons of mass stupidity makes it even worse.

… for giving 87,000 morons something to do yesterday. I guess there wasn’t anything good on the teevee and there were no big sales at Wal-mart that day.

I’m increasingly convinced now that one of the favorite pastimes of the right is necrophilia. But not just necrophilia… it’s necrophiliac sodomy. Conservatives love to sodomize the corpse of Ronald Reagan ad nauseum, and by all accounts, yesterday Beck gleefully and repeatedly sodomized the corpse of MLK, Jr., as the pasty white masses gathered on the National Mall to, get this, “take back” the civil rights movement from all those gays, blacks and others who were really just using the civil rights movement as an excuse to take jobs from straight white men and in some cases, have sex with their women.

Ever consistent, the Teabaggers who showed up (as they are all part of Glenn Beck’s Dumbfuck Nation®) didn’t seem to cry “censorship” when they were asked to leave their “Obama is an Islamofascisocialist” signs home, and gladly curtailed their freedom of speech for Mr. Beck. It’s not surprising, as as much as they fetishize the Constitution, few of ‘em have actually read it, let alone understand it. Nevertheless, some had no problem expressing themeselves, whether it be through the wearing of super-tacky (dare I say “drag-queenesque”) Chinese-made “patriotic” attire, or in the case of this fine upstanding citizen, simple t-shirts (h/t Gawker):

Keeping with the teabagger theme, I never said it was coherent. Is “Mauitania” some sort of Hawaiian breakaway republic?  But is anything they do coherent? It was funny. Not ha-ha funny, more like the “funny” you feel after you’ve eaten some bad clams or something. As C&L points out in this great bit, Glenn Beck really does remind us of the Civil Rights Era — that is, the people who hated Martin Luther King.

I posted this a few years ago, which is undoubtedly the Best Commercial That Ever Existed. Still cracks me up. Enjoy:

August, as usual seems to be Celebrate Dumb America® month.  A few more bits for you on America’s latest poutrage:

This is an affront to Christians, 9-11 families that eat, New Yorkers oh, whoever the fuck is whining about all this stuff:

One thing I haven’t seen anyone write about is the presence of Muslim food carts MUCH closer to Ground Zero. There are at least two, depending on the time of day, along West Broadway between Vesey and Park Place. One is practically on top of the Ground Zero construction site, outside the Path station. Aren’t they an “affront,” a “provocation”? Muslims engaging in in-your-face commerce on sacred ground, with the word HALAL prominently displayed on their carts! Where’s Palin when we need her??

You’ll rarely hear me agreeing with Ron Paul, but he’s right on this one:

Is the controversy over building a mosque near ground zero a grand distraction or a grand opportunity? Or is it, once again, grandiose demagoguery?

Just think of what might (not) have happened if the whole issue had been ignored and the national debate stuck with war, peace, and prosperity. There certainly would have been a lot less emotionalism on both sides. The fact that so much attention has been given the mosque debate, raises the question of just why and driven by whom?

In my opinion it has come from the neo-conservatives who demand continual war in the Middle East and Central Asia and are compelled to constantly justify it.

They never miss a chance to use hatred toward Muslims to rally support for the ill conceived preventative wars. A select quote from soldiers from in Afghanistan and Iraq expressing concern over the mosque is pure propaganda and an affront to their bravery and sacrifice.

And the AP gets it right, too (that gawdam librul media – slurp… droool… ack!):

The controversial proposed New York City mosque and Islamic center is not the “ground zero mosque” and its location two blocks away is “near” – not “at”— ground zero of the 9/11 World Trade Center attacks, The Associated Press’ style arbiter told staffers in a memo Thursday.

Finally, a video of New York’s not-best and not-brightest. At a protest against said not-a-mosque-not-at-Ground-Zero, a person of color wearing a skull cap and wandering through the crowd was targeted with insults and nearly attacked by protesters for the offense of looking vaguely Muslim. He’s actually a construction worker at Ground Zero, who aptly observes “All you dumb motherfuckers don’t even know my opinion.” If you look real hard, you may see FBC commenter and token outraged-victimized-white-Christian-male W.R. Chandler in the crowd, as I’m sure he’d fly to NYC from Sacramento for something like this. It’s that important. Nothing less than one’s own sense of self-importance the future of the nation is at stake.

I love the guy in the muscle shirt going, “Oh, did the media get that on camera? They’re gonna say we’re racist.” Shoulda thought of that before they opened their mouths, no? (h/t to TP)

Dumb motherfuckers, indeed.

Because, you know, exercise and not eating crap are just too damn hard.

This anti-mosque thing has me on a rip lately. So, it seems most Americans realize they have the right to build it, yet don’t believe they should. Great. Now kindly shut the fuck up* and stop making America look like some backwards redneck piece of shit town down south, please. You’re okay with the titty bars and porn store nearby, and apparently have no problem building a new office on it that’s going to house a bunch of Wall Street shitheads who will continue to dick over the rest of us.

“Hallowed ground”, kiss my pucker.

For your perusal, a bit on a library that’s going to be built next to Sarah Palin. Apparently, this is a major affront to people who read:

Plans to build a state-of-the-art library next to Republican catastrophe Sarah Palin are causing outrage across mainstream America. Almost 40% of Americans still support the idea of books. Campaigners have described the project as insensitive and a deliberate act of provocation by people with brains. The issue is forming a dividing line in advance of November’s mid-term congressional elections with candidates being forced to declare whether they have ever been to a library or spoken to someone who has books in their home. Meanwhile President Obama has caused unease within his own Democratic party by endorsing the library and claiming that not everyone who reads books is responsible for calling Mrs Palin a fuckwit nutjob nightmare of a human being.

*clarification for the mentally challenged… no, I don’t mean “suppress your idiotic speech”, I mean, “get over it and find something useful to be angry about. Hey! Look at this shiny new penny!”

Listen to this idiot from Texas (where else?) rant on about “terror babies”. No evidence, of course.