Chocolate Jesus
No, it’s not a blaxploitation flick, although I could just hear the promotion for it…‘He’s back, he’s black, and he’s gonna put some Holy Spirit in whitey’s ass!’
Actually, from the best I could gather, it’s about two chocolate Jesuses (or is it ‘Jesi’?). There are two art exhibits opening up, one in the UK and one in NYC, during Holy Week (when the alleged resurrection of ‘zombie Jesus’ is celebrated). Both of them exhibits feature life-size sculptures of Jesus, made out of chocolate.
Of course, there’s the obligatory Catholic outrage from none other than blowhard Bill Donohue, of the uber-conservative Catholic League. You may remember him as the one that started attacking John Edwards a few months back for hiring some bloggers who said some nasty things about Catholicism on their blogs. Of the chocolate Jesus, he whined,”This is one of the worst assaults on Christian sensibilities ever.” Now putting aside for a minute the silliness of the words ’sensible’, ‘Christian’, and ‘Bill Donohue’ all appearing in the same sentence, has he forgotten, is this really more of an assault than the Romans feeding Christians to the lions? And also, Catholics eat Jesus every Sunday at Holy Communion. What’s the difference if they were eating Chocolate Jesus instead of that little piece of cardboard ‘bread’? Heck, maybe if they were serving Chocolate Jesus, I would have gone to church more as a kid.
Seriously, I’m amazed at how quickly the Catholics love to whine even more than the fundies do with these things (perhaps it’s because there’s no sex involved). For a religion that used to pretty much literally rule the world, they really seem to be awfully insecure, whining with sanctimonious outrage every time something comes out which puts Jesus in a non-traditional perspective.
Nobody has complained about this chocolate Jesus. Are those little flecks of crisped rice? Blasphemy!:
Or what about Catholic Supply’s hoops and football playing (and super Causcasian/Irish hippie) Jesuses? Isn’t using God-magic cheating? C’mon, Jeez, they’re only kids, fer Crissake.

Now here’s a great idea for Easter: ‘White Chocolate Jesus with Liquid Cherry Center.’ Kids can prick the hands and feet to make their very own stigmata!
Oh, I get it… putting Jesus in ridiculous situations to make money from religious people… good, putting Jesus in a non-traditional context to make an artistic statement that may not be so nice… bad. Hypocrisy and lack of consistency seems to be the norm with a lot of these folks. I think that the artist of the UK Jesus, George Heslop, puts it best:
“Surely all the real human suffering in the world should be far more important than some argument about a chocolate effigy. But somehow these abstract symbols are treated with more respect than real world events.”
Indeed.













