Five Before Chaos

Yep, the crazy uncle whose Christian compassion extended to disowning his lesbian daughter is still around. And apparently the GOP is just not fetus-lovin’/gay-hatin’ enough for him. As Frederick Carlson lets us know over at Talk to Action, Keyes is seeking the nomination for the party for people whom the GOP isn’t crazy enough - the ironically named Constitution Party.

Alan Keyes, perennial Republican presidential primary contender, popular orator on the Religious Right, and one-time Obama opponent in his race for the Senate from Illinois — is now the probable presidential nominee for the Constitution Party, which his holding its national convention in Kansas City, Missouri this week. Keyes, who had been considering bolting the Republican Party for at least a year, meeting privately with the CP National Committee on more than one occasion, took the leap last week and announced that he would seek the CP nomination.

The neotheocratic Constitution Party, which has been on the ballot in more than 30 states for every presidential election since 1996, kicked off its national convention in Kansas City yesterday.

Carlson goes on to speculate that this could indeed be a headache for John Sidney McCain, in that it gives the ones who find McCain not god-crazy enough to vent their frustrations. Apparently McCain’s endorsements from the hateful Godidiots John Hagee and Rod Parsley aren’t good enough. No surprise, consiering the views of the Constitution Party’s founder and former nominee Howard Phillips. Get a load of these nuggets of wisdom for the ages from Phillips (all of which you can find here, as well as the sources):

Q: How would a Constitution Party governor or state legislature punish homosexuals?

A: It’s not my intention to go into somebody’s home and see what he’s doing in there. What a president can do is stop the billions of dollars in subsidies to homosexual groups to teach safe sodomy, which is what AIDS education is. (here)

The Supreme Court has no right to amend the Constitution, and appointing pro-life justices is irrelevant. The unborn child is a person, and even [Roe v. Wade author Justice Harry] Blackmun conceded that if the unborn child is a person that abortion is unconstitutional. I’ll appoint pro-life U.S. Attorneys who will prosecute abortion doctors for homicide.

The radical, anti-growth, anti-business, environmental socialists could not pass their so-called Clean Air Bill costing us $40 billion per year until George Bush pushed it through.

[Those who] advocate. separating church from state are hypocrites unless they similarly insist upon the separation of education from state, because every government-subsidized and regulated school has become an establishment of the officially approved state religion, censoring prayer, subsidizing sex, denying creation, rewriting history, undermining parental authority, denigrating Biblical values, and dumbing down the children so that they may be no wiser than those who run our government.

Funny how that laundry list of grievances against public education are what many rational thinking people would consider to be the prime example of how to dumb down a kid. So, yes, these people almost make the GOP look rational, so it’s good to know Keyes has finally found the party where they won’t treat him like the crazy uncle anymore; he’s one of them!

As to whether or not it will hurt McCain, who knows. The GOP hasn’t really stopped pandering to the fundies, because even though some of them know they’re just being used, they still have nowhere else to go,and their sheeplike mindset keeps ‘em in the flock.

Anyone else out there think Keyes sounds like Kermit the Frog when he speaks?

UPDATE: Apparently, Keyes is too kooky even for the C.P. nutters. They picked someone else.

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