The incredibly high standards of Joe the Plumber

Joe the Plumber

Yes, I know, it’s like a car wreck that I can’t stop looking at, but apparently, not-Joe the Unlicensed Plumber is still somehow news. He’s putting that empty cranium to good use, scrutinizing our future leaders:

Joe’s endorsement is apparently quite the coup. He says more than 200 politicians have asked for support this year, but so far, he’s only backed five. “I need to talk to candidates before I endorse,” he told me afterwards, explaining that his bar is pretty high. “We have a series of conversations – 20 to 30 minute conversations – and I grill them. I ask them questions about energy, education – make sure they’re straight.” Wurzelbacher says he also vets candidates online.

So why Rohrer? He says they share many of the same values – the Second Amendment, states’ independence, “integrity, honesty.” Plus, “Sam is really favored amongst the tea parties. It takes a lot for them to get behind an individual.”

Hmm, so many ways to dissect this. He “grills” them about the many important issues that Joe has never shown more than a right-wing sound-bite’s depth of knowledge about. Love to be a fly on that wall for the grilling – on education, Joe: “So, do you think it’s very important that kids say the pledge of allegiance before class? What about those “safe places” with the pink triangles? Are you going to prevent gay sex in our nation’s schools? And why aren’t they talking about God in biology class?” And somehow I suspect “make sure they’re straight” means what I think it does, as Joe has talked in the past about his fear of the Lavender Gay Menace.

Joe also does a serious whammy, looking for “integrity and honesty”, and in the next sentence, it tells us how Joe’s a teabagger favorite, something that has nothing to do whatsoever with integrity or honesty. It does take a lot for them to get behind an individual, as they must speak in racist code words, ignore inconvenient facts, and not rule out just about any conspiracy theory, no matter how batshit insane, especially if it involves black presidents.

The article didn’t say this, but apparently, he’s spending a lot of time evaluating other things, as Swanson has him now working hard testing out their new line of “Hungry Man” frozen dinners. Joe: “The apple cobbler is pretty good, but the salisbury steak is a bit too gristly. I spent all night on this, as, like politics, when it comes to food, my bar is pretty high.”

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