Tales from the Batshit! Batshit! Batshit! Insane: Cropp’s Theorem
It’s been quite a while since I’ve written on Vermont’s own whackadoodles in the secession movement. Rowley over at VT Secession, the blog that keeps an eye on the Vermont secession movement, has been dormant for the most part lately, and unless he tips me off to something, I usually don’t bother. I’d rather save my ire for nutter movements that people actually pay attention to, like the teabaggers and such -nutter, but unlike the secessionists, politically relevant. He had a bit on some of their silliness involving the brilliant idea of putting Ché Guevara on their flag (which backfired), and had another bit that was more of a general fart in their direction, but in all honesty, I just don’t care. I’ve moved on. Until now, that is. If you’re into some serious crazy, jump below the fold for more…
Rob Williams, masturbator-in-chief and editor of the secession rag, VT Commons, recently “challenged” me, Green Mountain Daily’s John Odum and Rowley to a debate about secession. Rowley has his own reasons for turning it down, but like I said, I just don’t care about secession, like 98% of the people in the state. I’m not going to debate Rob Williams about the merits, legalities, etc. of secession, because it’s not my area of historical expertise, to be quite honest, and like I said, I don’t care. And to top it off, the “merits” of secession were never the basis of any of the things I’ve written about them. Rob gets this a lot lately. Sane people, such as veteran reporter Jon Margolis, just essentially say, “Piss off, kid! Now go play somewhere else.” And they don’t even give him any candy.
I mean, what’s the point? As long as their primary spokesman’s a guy who reminds you of a crazy transient who sounds like Foghorn Leghorn after he’s had a few too many mint juleps, it’s not like they’re going to be taken seriously anytime soon, other than as a source of serious entertainment. We even have one of ‘em running for governor right now, in the form of Dennis Steele. Poor Dennis keeps getting shut out of the debates. Granted, I don’t necessarily think that’s fair, but maybe the fact that “American Empire!” is his stock response to everything might have something to do with it. There could be an asteroid heading for Vermont and he’d argue the only way to stop it is to secede from the Union. Seriously. He’s a one-trick-pony.
One of the great things about being a blogger is that people send you stuff. Sometimes it’s a book to review, a ticket to a show or talk, or a nice or nasty e-mail. Something arrived recently that I couldn’t pass up – an insight into the overinflated and underfunctioning mind of Matt Cropp, campaign manager for Dennis Steele.
Now, those of you that actually follow these things know that Rob Williams is convinced that Rowley is me, perhaps with a bit of help from John Odum from Green Mountain Daily. Odum was the blogger that the Second Vermont Republic’s Thomas Naylor tried to get fired from his job when he spread the word about their ties to some seriously bad people, as in “neo-Confederate” bad. No need to rehash, as if you’re reading this far, you already know the story. Anyways, Williams, perhaps tired of giving little pet names to his cock, now calls Rowley “John-John”. Get it? Ha, I’m gonna shit myself. No, actually – it’s not that funny.
He keeps insisting that the stuff Rowley posts anonymously is really me. Which I can never figure out, as I have no problem calling these people out on my own. They can’t go after my job or anything… what are they gonna do, show up at my door in an Ethan Allen costume and threaten me at musketpoint? The concept that Rowley does his homework, and knows where to dig, seems to be lost on them. It must be a group, they say. Or something like that.
Anyways, with Rowley’s reappearance, in light of their most recent soon-to-fail endeavor of getting some of their folks elected to the statehouse this November, word is they’re shitting themselves again. But Matt Cropp apparently has proven, with no doubt whatsoever, that I am Thomas Rowley, anonymous blogger who also apparently occasionally blogs about the same exact stuff under his own name at another blog. M’okay.
I had the dubious honor of meeting Matt Cropp at some get-together a while back; I can’t remember the specifics. He’s not hard to point out, as he oozes that “I’m the smartest guy in the room” vibe (which is readily apparent if you can stand reading his blog… he is soooo much smarter than you – just accept that). In actuality, he’s more like a politics version of the comic book guy on the Simpsons, with better hygiene- socially inept, arrogant as hell, and well, even though you can tell he’s read a lot of books, you just know that… he’s read a lot of books. Not much else. And, also like the comic book guy on the Simpsons, if you even bothered to notice he that he left the room, you’re more likely to be wondering if he’s ever gotten laid than being amazed and humbled at how much smarter he is than you.
So, I’ve come to find out how Matt’s mind works, and it says a lot about what we can expect in terms of how Dennis Steele’s campaign will be managed. Apparently, I’ve been told, it’s the fact that Rowley and I have both used the term batshit that tipped Matt off. This idiosyncratic term was unknown to Cropp, as I suspect he doesn’t leave his little circle-jerk and mingle with us common folk and hear how we speak (colloquially, of course). His highly exhaustive, peer-reviewed study concluded that since I used the term batshit some forty times on FBC, and that Rowley has used it once, that he is certain as can be that Rowley and I are one and the same. Fucking brilliant.
Perhaps Cropp really needs to get out more. A quick search at Daily Kos, that widely-read blog that promotes the lesser evil, more incompetent party of the Evil Empire, shows the use of the term batshit some 1,141 times. Google images? 82,900 times. And, almost always in the context of batshit crazy/insane, re: Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, Thomas Naylor, etc., not when talking about actual bat guano. But, hey, I used it 40 times, and Rowley used it once, so that settles it. You figured me out, Matt. You really are the better man.
I also heard one of em’ has figured out that I live in Florida part of the year, which is news to me. I actually lived in Florida during my teen years. My parents live there. I hate Florida, and if it weren’t for my parents living there, I’d never set foot in that festering peninsula of strip malls and gated “communities” again (with apologies to my friends who still live there, of course). So, I’ve been to Florida four times in the last twenty years, for about a week at a time. I’m about halfway through 39, about 2048 weeks old. But if I apply Cropp’s Theorem, four weeks is about about half- time! Or something. You can see the theorem illustrated very clearly in the picture at the beginning of the post. It simply involves some bad math and a few hunches.
I was also shared a photo of a recent meeting of the secessionist group. I was told that this was taken as they were discussing some sort of electoral strategy or something. Maybe they were watching Birth of a Nation, who knows?
If Cropp is applying this same incredible level of thinking on par with Stephen Hawking Mr. Spock Christine O’Donnell to Dennis Steele’s campaign, then Brian Dubie and Peter Shumlin had better book vacations next year, as they will most surely be out of work, come Election Day. Helloooooo, Governor Steele.