Tales from the Batshit! Batshit! Batshit! Insane: Cropp’s Theorem

It’s been quite  a while since I’ve written on Vermont’s own whackadoodles in the secession movement. Rowley over at VT Secession, the blog that keeps an eye on the Vermont secession movement, has been dormant for the most part lately, and unless he tips me off to something, I usually don’t bother. I’d rather save my ire for nutter  movements that people actually pay attention to, like the teabaggers and such -nutter, but unlike the secessionists, politically relevant.  He had a bit on some of their silliness involving the brilliant idea of putting Ché Guevara on their flag (which backfired), and had another bit that was more of a general fart in their direction, but in all honesty, I just don’t care. I’ve moved on. Until now, that is. If you’re into some serious crazy, jump below the fold for more…

Rob Williams, masturbator-in-chief and editor of  the secession rag, VT Commons, recently “challenged” me, Green Mountain Daily’s John Odum and Rowley to a debate about secession. Rowley has his own reasons for turning it down, but like I said,  I just don’t care about secession, like 98% of the people in the state. I’m not going to debate Rob Williams about the merits, legalities, etc. of secession, because it’s not my area of historical expertise, to be quite honest, and like I said, I don’t care. And to top it off, the “merits” of secession were never the basis of any of the things I’ve written about them. Rob gets this a lot lately. Sane people, such as veteran reporter Jon Margolis, just essentially say, “Piss off, kid!  Now go play somewhere else.” And they don’t even give him any candy.

I mean, what’s the point? As long as their primary spokesman’s a guy who reminds you of a crazy transient who sounds like Foghorn Leghorn after he’s had  a few too many mint juleps, it’s not like they’re going to be taken seriously anytime soon, other than as a source of serious entertainment. We even have one of ‘em running for governor right now, in the form of Dennis Steele. Poor Dennis keeps getting shut out of the debates. Granted, I don’t necessarily think that’s fair, but maybe the fact that “American Empire!” is his stock response to everything might have something to do with it. There could be an asteroid heading for Vermont and he’d argue the only way to stop it is to secede from the Union. Seriously. He’s a one-trick-pony.

One of the great things about being a blogger is that people send you stuff. Sometimes it’s a book to review, a ticket to a show or talk, or a nice or nasty e-mail. Something arrived recently that I couldn’t pass up – an insight into the overinflated and underfunctioning mind of Matt Cropp, campaign manager for Dennis Steele.

Now, those of you that actually follow these things know that Rob Williams is convinced that Rowley is me, perhaps with a bit of help from John Odum from Green Mountain Daily. Odum was the blogger that the Second Vermont Republic’s Thomas Naylor tried to get fired from his job when he spread the word about their ties to some seriously bad people, as in “neo-Confederate” bad. No need to rehash, as if you’re reading this far, you already know the story. Anyways, Williams, perhaps tired of giving little pet names to his cock, now calls Rowley “John-John”. Get it? Ha, I’m gonna shit myself. No, actually -  it’s not that funny.

He keeps insisting that the stuff Rowley posts anonymously is really me. Which I can never figure out, as I have no problem calling these people out on my own. They can’t go after my job or anything… what are they gonna do, show up at my door in an Ethan Allen costume and threaten me at musketpoint?  The concept that Rowley does his homework, and knows where to dig, seems to be lost on them. It must be a group, they say. Or something like that.

Anyways, with Rowley’s reappearance, in light of their most recent soon-to-fail endeavor of getting some of their folks elected to the statehouse this November, word is they’re shitting themselves again. But Matt Cropp apparently has proven, with no doubt whatsoever, that I am Thomas Rowley, anonymous blogger who also apparently occasionally blogs about the same exact stuff under his own name at another blog. M’okay.

I had the dubious honor of meeting Matt Cropp at some get-together a while back; I can’t remember the specifics. He’s not hard to point out, as he oozes that “I’m the smartest guy in the room” vibe (which is readily apparent if you can stand reading his blog he is soooo much smarter than you – just accept that). In actuality, he’s more like a politics version of the comic book guy on the Simpsons, with better hygiene- socially inept, arrogant as hell, and well, even though you can tell he’s read a lot of books, you just know that… he’s read a lot of books. Not much else. And, also like the comic book guy on the Simpsons, if you even bothered to notice he that he  left the room, you’re more likely to be wondering if he’s ever gotten laid than being amazed and humbled at how much smarter he is than you.

So, I’ve come to find out how Matt’s mind works, and it says a lot about what we can expect in terms of how Dennis Steele’s campaign will be managed. Apparently, I’ve been told, it’s the fact that Rowley and I have both used the term batshit that tipped Matt off. This idiosyncratic term was unknown to Cropp, as I suspect he doesn’t leave his little circle-jerk and mingle with us common folk and hear how we speak (colloquially, of course). His highly exhaustive, peer-reviewed study concluded that since I used the term batshit some forty times on FBC, and that Rowley has used it once, that he is certain as can be that Rowley and I are one and the same. Fucking brilliant.

Perhaps Cropp really needs to get out more. A quick search at Daily Kos, that widely-read blog that promotes the lesser evil, more incompetent party of the Evil Empire, shows the use of the term batshit some 1,141 times. Google images? 82,900 times. And, almost always in the context of batshit crazy/insane, re: Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, Thomas Naylor, etc., not when talking about actual bat guano.  But, hey, I used it 40 times, and Rowley used it once, so that settles it. You figured me out, Matt. You really are the better man.

I also heard one of em’ has figured out that I live in Florida part of the year, which is news to me. I actually lived in Florida during my teen years. My parents live there. I hate Florida, and if it weren’t for my parents living there, I’d never set foot in that festering peninsula of strip malls and gated “communities” again (with apologies to my friends who still live there, of course). So, I’ve been to Florida four times in the last twenty years, for about a week at a time. I’m about halfway through 39, about 2048 weeks old. But if I apply Cropp’s Theorem, four weeks is about about half- time! Or something. You can see the theorem illustrated very clearly in the picture at the beginning of the post. It simply involves some bad math and a few hunches.
I was also shared a photo of a recent meeting of the secessionist group. I was told that this was taken as they were discussing some sort of electoral strategy or something. Maybe they were watching Birth of a Nation, who knows?

If Cropp is applying this same incredible level of thinking on par with Stephen Hawking Mr. Spock Christine O’Donnell to Dennis Steele’s campaign, then Brian Dubie and Peter Shumlin had better book vacations next year, as they will most surely be out of work, come Election Day. Helloooooo, Governor Steele.


19 Responses to “Tales from the Batshit! Batshit! Batshit! Insane: Cropp’s Theorem”

  • Thomas Rowley Says:

    It’s plain to see that you’re not going to be invited to the November 3 victory party on the “Magnolia Vermonter’s” deck, to make polite conversation about alien-military conspiracies, Jewish domination of the government and the South rising again, all while partaking of the sweet, sweet taste of freshly slaughtered yak.

  • J.D. Ryan Says:

    My freezer is filled with lots of yak right now, so I’ll be okay with that. I might just watch “Deliverance” that day instead.

  • George Says:

    Yeah, Cropp is kinda a tool – the expression on his face in this youtube video is effin *priceless*… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0

  • J.D. Ryan Says:

    Wow, Matt. How original. A Rick Roll. You really are smarter than me. I might as well just give up now, as you really showed me. Good luck with that campaign, I’m sure it’ll be a landslide.

    When he loses, you can just blame the American Empire, as your stunning ability to craft a message that resonates with a huge cross-section of the electorate (you know, the kind that don’t know or care about secession) and your godlike deductive reasoning skills that I laid out above, most surely won’t factor into anything, right?

    Thanks for playing, sweetiepie.Can I have your autograph?

  • George Says:

    Just thought I’d break out an old classic while taking my new “backwoods, low-end George Stephanopoulos” identity out for its first spin ;).  Enjoy the campaign, and remember… http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1907543

  • J.D. Ryan Says:

    Sweet effin’ Jesus. You really are out of your league here. Come back when you got somethin’ besides little cutesie-poo videos. It’s like bringing a feather duster to a knife fight. How you gonna take on the Empire? Youtube ‘em to death?

  • Matt Cropp Says:

    How you gonna take on the Empire?

    I’d be happy to have that conversation if it’s something you actually want to discuss in good faith – from the way you put it (as well as from other posts you’ve written), it sounds like you agree that having an empire is a bad thing.  However, this post’s tone (insulting the character of someone you’ve met once and a photo of a circle jerk) doesn’t exactly invite reasoned discourse, so I figure that, as long as you’re playing troll games, I might as well have some fun as well ;).  If you want to debate the relative merits of separatism as opposed to other tactics for confronting injustice, I’ll be an eager participant and will listen to and consider your arguments respectfully as long as you do the same.  You have my email address, if you want to get in touch.  I’d even be down for grabbing a brew or two if you can stand being in the same physical space as the “politics version of the comic book guy”.  At least, as you noted, you won’t have to worry about the smell…  First round’s on me :).

    • J.D. Ryan Says:

      I appreciate the “kill me with kindness” approach. I don’t, however, view the empire thing in such black and white terms, as in “we need to leave it”, as though there’s actually the reality of it happening. I’d love to see the military response to that one, both in and outside the state. But I’m not having this conversation, as I’ve repeatedly stated… like most people, I don’t care. As long as Naylor’s the face of it, it ain’t going nowhere.

      You’re a target, because you enable Williams and Naylor’s little circle jerk. The arrogance and contempt you have for the people you’re trying to “save” is nauseating. Not to mention that little Neo-Confederate thing, which doesn’t seem to bother you in the least. And I know a lot more about your character than you think I do.

      Did you find everything you needed? Any more reality-stretching theories about how I’m Rowley? Can’t wait. He writes in English, too!

  • Charity Says:

    I first heard the term “batshit” on Dohiyi Mir, in reference to his batshit insane future ex-wife, Ann Althouse.  That’s also where I first heard of Althouse, which is now one of my favorite blogs.
    Oh, yeah, and who is Dennis Steele, anyway?

  • J.D. Ryan Says:

    How ironic, considering NTodd is one of the indies they recruited. He’s also NOT a secession advocate and seems to be, by all accounts, a very sane and rational guy. I gave him some Yes concert videos a few years ago. Maybe he’s me, as we both like the same un-hip rock band, and used the term batshit! Or Rowley! Wait, Ntodd has a beard! Maybe he’s Santa Claus, or more appropriately Robert E. Lee! Lemme put it through Cropp’s Theorem and see what comes up!

    That might be where I first learned of Althouse, too. Didn’t take long to figure out she’s batshit insane. Thoroughly.

  • Matt Cropp Says:

    There are a few different threads in there that I’d like to address, but I’ll go with the “Neo-Confederate thing,” since that’s at the core of the anti-separatist discourse at the moment.  In terms of modern American separatism, I think there are two main paradigms which can be conceived of in terms of their over-riding competing metaphors.  On the one hand you have Neo-Confederates whose ideological mixture of Jeffersonianism and Southern Nationalism is rooted in a very specific historical interpretation of the Civil War.  They take an element of its causation (the desire for a stronger central state on the part of the Northern elite), and elevate it to the primary cause, thus making the Civil War a justified defense of liberty.  While I recognize that the Federal Government emerged from the Civil War much more centralized than it’d been going in, I disagree with Neo-Confederates in that I think the gross rights violations inherent to the institution of slavery trumped such secondary causes and effects and means that the Civil War was a just war (on the part of the North).
    For me, and for many of the other folks I know in the Free Vermont movement who disagree with the Neo-Confederate narrative, the primary metaphor for secession is not the Civil War, but rather the collapse of the Soviet Union. 

    The USSR had become too large, centralized, and imperialistic to function.  Its decade-long occupation of Afghanistan, insane and expensive participation in the arms race, and stagnant economy increasingly dominated by a corrupt ruling class ultimately undermined its legitimacy in the eyes of its own people, and it fell apart without a bloody, protracted civil war.  I see a great number of parallels between the Soviet Union of the 1980s and America today (our own decade-long occupation of Afghanistan being the horrific, bloody icing on the historical irony cake), and feel that, as the weight of the empire and its corrupt, special-interest driven fiscal policy weighs heavier and heavier, the case for separatism becomes increasingly strong. 

    Why sit helplessly by and witness our economy and standard of living continue to deteriorate when, by declaring independence, we can bring our troops home, repudiate the increasingly crushing burden of the Federal debt, and begin building a just, human-scale society without being subject to the manifold barriers to that task which have been thrown in our paths by corrupt Federal policies.

    The fact that the latter narrative has been so readily painted with the brush of the former, Neo-Confederate, one is, to me, an example of what Ken Wilber described as the “Pre-Trans Fallacy”.  Just because the two groups advocate the same policy does *not* mean their reasons or world-views are also necessarily the same.  Neo-Confederate separatists look to the past for inspiration, they are often thus ideologically motivated to defend the racial views of their idols.  By contrast, the Vermont separatist movement is forward looking – it rejects the racism of both the 19th century and the present neo-colonialism, and wants to break with the corrupt, hobbled institutions of the past to create a *more* just society.

    I know this post does not fully address your other major question, which concerned the viability of the idea.  I’d be happy to craft a response to that if you’re interested, but realize, as you said, that the idea that the Free Vermont movement is Neo-Confederate needed to be addressed before that conversation could even happen.  Thoughts?

    • Matt Cropp Says:

      Whoops… I apologize for the seeming run-on paragraph.  Would you mind adding an extra return between the paragraph lines so the structure of the post is more clear?

    • Mister Guy Says:

      This is ridiculous. You do realize that the individual states that comprised the old USSR basically didn’t join the USSR willingly, don’t you? You do also realize that basically every, single time that a states’ rights issue comes up that it eventually *loses* in the USA, don’t you? We already had one bloody war over the issue of whether a U.S. state can secede on its own, and, ummmmm, it can’t. The U.S. Supreme Court even ruled that way.

      “repudiate the increasingly crushing burden of the Federal debt”

      …and replace it with VT’s own large state & local debts?? You do realize that VT is the fifth largest recipient of federal dollars, don’t you?

      Dude, VT is not seceding from anything, ever. The only secession that’s going on around here is your apparent secession from reality.

  • odum Says:

    Good god. And people say I babble.
    All of the above could have been said more clearly and concisely in about 6 sentences.
    And it still wouldn’t have addressed a single one of JD’s real objections, to say nothing of the topic of his post

  • J.D. Ryan Says:

    Thoughts? There you go again. You really can’t help yourself, can you? Are you a fucking robot or something?

    The Neo-Confederate stuff is because of the associations, silly. Because of Naylor. Because you’ve gotten in bed with bad people, and your people have acted like it’s no big deal and we’ve made this stuff up, documentation be damned. It’s why the good people, like Bill McKibben and Dan DeWalt are no longer on SVR’s advisory board. It’s why Naylor needs to talk to a fruit loop like Glenn Beck to get any national press, otherwise he’s relegated to doing white supremacist talk shows and chuckling about how he’s “obviously a good Confederate”. I didn’t ask for yet another masturbatory philosophical rambling history lesson. I don’t care, remember?

    If I asked you how you like your steak cooked, you’d give me a three page history of domesticated farm animals, as well as a treatise on food production, and I still would have no idea on how you wanted your steak cooked. You really don’t get it, do you?

    • Matt Cropp Says:

      I guess the problem I have with that is the underlying implication that, from your perspective, a non-Neo-Confederate Vermont separatist seems nearly inconceivable.  If I’m going to advocate for secession, I’d likely talk to other people in the state who’re working towards the same ends, and, by simply having interacted with them, I come under suspicion of being a racist neo-confederate.  Despite the snark about having to read five whole paragraphs, the above statement is an accurate reflection of my views on the topic.  What would your perspective be on secessionists who were to specifically adopt such a program/platform?  Is such an alternative possible (from your perspective), and what would you imagine it to look like?  Is there any constructive potential there, or is this a topic in which “deconstruct and destroy” will be to order of business no matter who is involved and what their stated goals are (beyond departure from the United States)?

      • J.D. Ryan Says:

        Sigh (shaking head).

        Ok, Matt, you’re starting to bore me. You obviously haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, except for the naughty parts.

        Not interested in secession. Period. Even if if were a remote possibility, I still wouldn’t be interested, as I’d have to listen to people like you on the news all of the time. What are you not hearing here?

        Since you’re obviously entranced by the sound of your own voice (or in this case, the sound of your own typing on the keyboard) and aren’t responding to anything I’m saying, you get one more chance:

        If I’m going to advocate for secession, I’d likely talk to other people in the state who’re working towards the same ends, and, by simply having interacted with them, I come under suspicion of being a racist neo-confederate.

        What state? Alabama? Georgia? Do you even know what I’m talking about? I’ve never accused you of being a racist. In those four or more hours you spent on my site today poring over every word I’ve written (get out much?), you’ll even see that my main beef with you people and Williams is your tolerance of making alliances with these people.  I don’t think Rob’s a racist, either. Full of himself? Of course.  He’s his biggest fan, when he’s not licking Naylor’s slippers.

        My point is when y’all got caught with your thumbs up your asses, instead of washing your hands, you walked around and wiped it on everyone else, telling people it was really good chocolate. So, spare me your blathering about your little fantasy utopia and all of its philosophical bloviations, and either address the concerns or stop wasting my time. Last chance, bro. You’re not going to win by boring me to death.

         

  • Thomas Rowley Says:

    George Matt Kid,

    “For (you), and for (“small community”) of …  other folks (you) know in the Free Vermont movement,” I really have just one question:

    During those long, dry discourses you guys like to have, do you find that it helps to use some Lube?