Five Before Chaos

For those not easily offended, the Rude Pundit’s got two great ones right now.

Yesterday’s Time to Rub Their Fucking Faces in It:

Finally, for today, let’s kick John McCain and Sarah Palin while they’re down. Because everything they did made Barack Obama and Joe Biden seem that much more honorable and presidential. Because every misstep they made showed just how incredible and beautiful a machine the Obama campaign was. Because every slime McCain painfully threw ended up coating his face and made Obama seem that much brighter. Because every tinny, awkward, wrong word squeaked out of Palin made Biden appear even more the elder statesman. Because the country said to both of them, “You are full of shit, and we know it. Go the fuck away.”

And today’s Why the Hell Not? Let’s Gloat Some More:

Oh, Joe, Sean, Rush, Ann, Bob, Jonah, and the many, many rest. God, you know they’re so fucking pissed that Obama blew McCain away, that they couldn’t even try to steal this election or declare it illegitimate. Now they have to actually grapple with a reality, and they can’t get their tiny, narrow minds around it. But for we who won? Let’s enjoy the sight of the ants swirling and drowning in their own toilet.

I think my own gloating is starting to wear down. It’s like talking to a squirrel that was unlucky enough to fall into the hole in the outhouse and is wildly flailing around in a pile of shit trying to figure out how to get out, but can’t. It’s amusing at first, but then you start to realize that the squirrel’s going to be down there for a while, so it’s time to go build a few more outhouses. That make sense?

I know, not-Joe-the-not-plumber’s 15 minutes of fame are just about up, but he made an appearance on right-wing chronic masturbator Sean Hannity’s show the other day and said some unsurprisingly stupid things. He really is Joe Twelvepack. The Rude Pundit’s got a good take on it…

(emphasis mine)

And there, in a nugget of anti-wisdom, is all the delusional glory of white working class people who support Republicans. Apparently, for them, money for things like welfare or food stamps or whatever, which is fine when they need it, but is socialism when others do, is just pinched out by a money-shitting, giant bald eagle or something. Maybe Jesus jacks off, and where his seed falls, trees with golden apples grow. Maybe Uncle Sam just pukes greenbacks.

It also means, for anyone paying attention, who gives a shit what Wurzelbacher thinks? He’s an obvious idiot, not, as Hannity said, offering a manly hand job, “You’re the heart and soul swinging that wrench, you’re the heart and soul of what makes this country great.” No, actually Wurzelbacher is what makes this country a fucking laughingstock and a pathetic inbred cousin of what it could be. There’s plenty of working class people who actually do understand how taxation and social safety nets work. They also know that “spreading the wealth,” unlike what John McCain says, is what once made America great.

Seriously, why does anyone listen to this guy, who’s been wrong about just about everything he’s ever said, whose bullshit and bad judgement is only rivaled by Bill Kristol? Via Carpetbagger:

Karl Rove has made it clear on multiple occasions that he actively dislikes Barack Obama — if there’s a more helpful testament to the strength of Obama’s character, it doesn’t come to mind — and he continues to make his criticisms of the Democratic candidate more and more personal.

ABC News’ Christianne Klein reports that at a breakfast with Republican insiders at the Capitol Hill Club this morning, former White House senior aide Karl Rove referred to Sen. Barack Obama, D-Illinois, as “coolly arrogant.”

“Even if you never met him, you know this guy,” Rove said, per Christianne Klein. “He’s the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini and a cigarette that stands against the wall and makes snide comments about everyone who passes by.”

Karl Rove? Even if you never met him, you know this guy. When he wasn’t being shoved around by the rich country club kids who kept him around as the punching bag, and repeatedly getting rejected by those same beautiful dates that Obama was getting “at the country club”, he was back in his dorm room jacking himself off into a frenzy to pictures of Trish Nixon, making snide comments about what she could do with Papa Nixon’s dog, Checkers, and a jar of peanut butter…

That would explain a lot.

Matt Taibbi’s got another good one out now, on “Full Metal McCain”. In this we see the utter mental vapidity of McCain supporters (with quotes!), as well as Taibbi’s acute observation that McCain is now nothing more than your typical mouthbreathing GOP hack:

But the idea that John McCain is kicking off his trek to the White House by fleeing at top-end speed from the faltering Republican brand is the kind of absurdly facile misperception that only the American campaign press could swallow whole. The reality is that the once independent-thinking McCain has by now completely remade himself into a prototypical, dumbed-down Republican Party stooge — one who plans to rely on the same GOP strategy that has been winning elections ever since Pat Buchanan and Dick Nixon cooked up a plan for cleaving the South back in 1968. Rather than serving up the “straight talk” he promises, McCain is enthusiastically jumping aboard with every low-rent, fearmongering, cock-sucking presidential aspirant who’s ever traveled the Lee Atwater/William Safire highway.

It’s basically reiterating that anyone paying attention has known for a long time: McCain is no ‘maverick”, moreso just another GOP corporate asshole, and a particularly unhinged and nasty one at that. But you probably already knew that. And he provides some valid insight into how both McCain and Clinton lost a good deal of the scorn heaped on them by the rightwing nutjobs:

The reasons McCain and Clinton were villains of the Rush Limbaugh/Sean Hannity crowd in the first place had nothing to do with their policy positions or votes in the Senate or anything like that. Their real crimes were their arrogant insistence on exercising their intellectual independence, as well as their stubborn refusal to indulge in drooling-caveman demagoguery. The instant both of them crossed into the hater column and began feverishly jacking off the toothless racists of the Deep South with broadsides against the America-hating socialist menace Obama, all was instantly forgiven.

That, and the fact that the right wing tends to have a very short memory and attention span, and a very selective one at that, in particular one that forgets “facts”. I’ve always thought it’d be fun to get a room full of ‘em together and get one of those laser pointers I tease my cats with.. they’d surely be entertained for hours.

Silly (but mostly accurate) video to kick off the week for y’all…

It’s been a while since I’ve had a Dumb All Over segment, but last time I checked, there was no shortage of oxygen-wasting right wingers spewing off ignorant nonsense, so I figured it was once again time to do it up. It’s always easy… just go over to Townhall.com and grab the first article you see. Even easier when the author of the article is dimwitted asshole Michael Medved. One of his more recent screeds (if by ‘screed’ I mean random writings on the wall of a padded cell using his own feces): Americans Are Right to Resist an Atheist President. The first thing that popped into my head when I read the title was “When have we even had an atheist candidate to ‘resist’ in the first place?” Of course, Medved and his tiny God-virus infected brain doesn’t concern himself with those kinds of things.

What he does concern himself with, unsurprisingly, is a bunch of incredibly ignorant horseshit. Where to begin? Well, first off, there’s a picture of Barack Obama in the article that has nothing to do with the article. Although, yes, Michael, we get your little subtle inference there, that Obama is possibly some sort of atheist. But wait, I’m confused! I thought he was a radical Muslim? Or was it an American-hating black radical Christian? In the mind of Medved (and his borderline-to-severely retarded fans), it doesn’t matter. Obama’s all of those things. The important thing to remember is he hates whatever God you believe in.

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I read one of those things this morning that really pissed me off, and reinforces even more the idea that atheists need to really step up the criticisms of the ridiculousness of religious belief. It’s discrimination against atheists seems to be the one area that is still universally accepted in this country. This time, it’s from an idiot Illinois congresswoman:

Rep. Monique Davis (D-Chicago) interrupted atheist activist Rob Sherman during his testimony Wednesday afternoon before the House State Government Administration Committee in Springfield and told him, “What you have to spew and spread is extremely dangerous . . . it’s dangerous for our children to even know that your philosophy exists!

“This is the Land of Lincoln where people believe in God,” Davis said. “Get out of that seat . . . You have no right to be here! We believe in something. You believe in destroying! You believe in destroying what this state was built upon.”

You can listen to the audio here. I can only imagine the public outrage had the tables been reversed and it was an atheist congresswoman talking to a Christian activist about how harmful his beliefs were or how they destroy the intellect or something. We really need to start fighting back harder. You can contact the congresswoman here.

Why is this guy still around? Only reason I can think is the religious right needs a person not ashamed to make a complete ass out of himself that’s not James Dobson or Tony Perkins. And someone who can still connect with all the clueless fundies who remember the 60′s, I guess. In a ‘must read to be believed’ post, Ed Brayton takes apart a recent WorldNut Daily article by Boone, in which he has an imaginary conversation with Thomas Jefferson, and yep, you guessed, it , Jefferson is appalled by how the Christofascists haven’t been able to take over yet. Aside from Boone’s requisite Godidiocy, like most of his ilk, he shows an astounding historical ignorance, as well. Nothing surprising, because they tend to make up their own history, anyways. There’s too much good stuff to quote, just go over and read it yourself.

In other, equally appalling and shocking news, Boone’s just released an album of R&B classics!

We Are Family – R & B Classics: Hot! New off the press! Get your soul-groove on with and R&B’s greatest artists. A full CD of duets with Pat Boone performing with Smokey Robinson, Earth, Wind and Fire, James Brown and more, singing their all time hits…

That’s even more enraging than any of Boone’s Godidiocy drivel, in my book, considering he’s the whitest guy on the planet. Get your soul-groove on? Should hang the guy up by his tiny balls for that one.

I’m a mixed bag when it comes to guns. I like shooting (I only have a .22 but would like to get a shotgun and perhaps a revolver). I think “Dirty Harry” is one of the best movies ever, in no small part due to that huge .44 Magnum. I think hunting for food is really the most respectable way to get it, in that primeval-order-of-the-universe way, although if you hunt strictly for “sport” and you’re not going to eat it, you’re a real asshole. Gun control laws should be handled on a regional basis. And I think this country is too frickin’ violent, and easy access to guns and the constant glorification of them in the media most certainly plays a part in it.

But I have a real problem with “gun love”. You know, the gun nuts who obsess over them and rant about how the “must” have guns, with zero restrictions, that we should all arm ourselves, etc. They usually also have an idiotic bumper sticker such as “Charlton Heston is my President” or “Terrorist Hunting Permit” . It’s not too hard to get these people in a tizzy. The funniest thing these yahoos like to talk about is how they need them to somehow protect them from the government. Yeah, riiiiiight. Short of having your own army, if the guv’mint comes gunning for you, you’re toast. Sure, you may take a few feds down before you go, but you’re going to look like a bloody piece of head cheese when the shooting finally stops.

I think I’ve written about him before on here somewhere, but one of the biggest assholes on the planet seems to be über-redneck Ted Nugent. You may (or may not) remember him for his exhibits of masterful songwriting back in the 70′s such as “Cat Scratch Fever” and “Wango Tango”. And that shitty “Damn Yankees” band in the early 90′s with some guy from Styx and a guy from Night Ranger. Quite the supergroup.

Anyways, the self-proclaimed “Motor City Madman”, finding himself utterly irrelevant in the music world today, has made a niche following with the hyper-gun-nut hunting crowd, with his “Kill it and Grill It” show and his tendency to utter things occasionally that make Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter look like geniuses. The latest, from Rolling Stone, by way of Gun Guys- a not so subtle gun dig at Clinton and Obama.

Renegade right-winger Ted Nugent recently went on a vicious onstage rant in which he threatened the lives of Democratic presidential candidates Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. Decked out in full-on camouflage hunting gear, Nugent wielded two machine guns while raging, “Obama, he’s a piece of shit. I told him to suck on my machine gun. Hey Hillary,” he continued. “You might want to ride one of these into the sunset, you worthless bitch.” Nugent summed up his eloquent speech by screaming “freedom!”

Freedom to be an ass, I guess. And he’s got it in for those goddamn lib’ruls, too:

Nugent was quoted in a Wall Street Journal story blaming “stoned, dirty, stinky hippies” for “rising rates of divorce, high school drop-outs, drug use, abortion, sexual diseases and crime, not to mention the exponential expansion of government and taxes.”

Yep, it’s all my fault, apparently. Did I tell you I’m also responsible for the Ford Pinto, ABBA, new Coke, and the 8-track player? Now I think the headline that says “threatens to kill” is a bit over the top, but it doesn’t change the fact that this man is seriously becoming more and more unhinged as that prune of a brain of his continues to shrivel, yet another voice of the right-wing ugly brigade.