Mar 19 2012

BREAKING: GOP primary voters still braindead idiots

Lest one think that the polling around last week’s “toothless Tuesday” primaries that showed how stupid Alabama and Mississippi GOP primary voters were (birthers, Muslim!), it’s not an anomaly. The latest out of Illinois is not much better:

Do you think Barack Obama is a Christian or a Muslim, or are you not sure?
Christian: 24
Muslim: 39
Not sure:37Do you think Barack Obama was born in the United States, or not?
Was born in U.S.: 36
Not born in U.S.: 36
Not sure: 28

Do you believe in evolution, or not?
Believe in evolution: 41
Do not: 43
Not sure: 16


Three strikes. You’re out. And you’re an idiot.

This is the Palin legacy, as a Kos diarist so succinctly put it:

When Samuel J. Wurzelbacher, AKA “Joe the Plumber,” won a Republican nomination for Congress, Sarah Palin’s transformation of the Republican electoral base was complete. What has happened to the GOP, much to the consternation of the elite party establishment, is that it has become a party of paranoid conspiracy freaks, religious kooks, bigots, the marginally insane, and amateur grifters like Joe the Plumber. If Palin were running in the primary election for president, there is no doubt that she would be winning it, probably handily. This, in a nutshell, is why Mitt Romney, the only plausibly qualified candidate running for president in the GOP, is having such a hard time winning what should be a cakewalk primary. This party is no longer the party of the country club or even of Ronald Reagan. This is a party unhinged from reality. This is the party of Palin.

When does this end? When does the shame of having such an abyssmally large idiot population begin to be treated as a flu epidemic or something easily as dangerous? And four more years of Obama, which is very likely at this point (unless of course, Ron Paul magically wins at a contested convention, of course, as the Paultards speculate will happen, in which case, he will readily trump Obama, as we’re all Randians now, right?), is going to make this kinda crazy seem downright tame compared to what we’re gonna get.

Feb 28 2012

Holy shit, Mitt!

Stop the presses… Mitt Romney has told the truth:

It’s very easy to excite the base with incendiary comments. We’ve seen throughout the campaign if you’re willing to say really outrageous things that are accusative, attacking of President Obama, that you’re going to jump up in the polls. I’m not willing to light my hair on fire to try and get support. I am who I am. I’m a person with extensive experience in the private sector, in the economy.

I suppose he could have gone further, in light of Santorum’s recent pandering that “wanting people to go to college is elitist”. The incendiary comments must, in most cases, make the case that anti-intellectualism is something we should all strive for, one of the great pillars of the American character.

Here’s to hoping that Romney gets an ass-pounding from Santorum in Michigan, today.

Feb 8 2012

Sounds like thunder

I thought it rather odd to wake up on a cold February morning and hear something that sounded like thunder. Then I realized it was the GOP establishment shitting their pants after Santorum’s triple win. The nutters certainly don’t like Sir Willard.

Oh, and Ron Paul? Crazy as that motherfucker is, he’s gonna hafta try harder, as he’s been beaten by Santorum four times now.

Jan 3 2012

Ain’t no cure for stupid this big

Yes, Rick Perry, who, like the rest of us, is apparently convinced how little of a brain stem most Iowa Republicans have, had this to say about beating Obama:

“It is a powerful moment in Americans’ history, and you are on the front lines,” he added. “This is Concord. This is Omaha Beach. This is going up the hill realizing that the battle is worth winning.”

Now, putting aside the bewildering notion that Perry might actually know that Omaha Beach isn’t in Omaha, Nebraska, this is still leaving me more slackjawed than a Kansas teabagger.

Hunter at Big Evil Orange summed up the whole problem with the fucktardery that seems to be a prerequisite of being a Republican nowadays:

I don’t know what new drug these candidates are huffing in order to come up with their fever dreams about how weak stimulus packages and instituting piecemeal reforms to try to stop certain abuses by health insurance providers is Just Like Hitler, but whatever it is we should ban it pronto. The mental damage it causes seems to be severe.

Seriously. When does this end? Grandpappy used to tell stories of Republicans, although still misguided, who were actually capable of cohesive thought processes. Alas, they have apparently gone the way of the carrier pigeon.

Dec 8 2011

A frightfully good and true response to Rick Perry

Dec 1 2011

Feel the Newtmentum!

I’m praying to the that god that I don’t believe in that this man gets the nomination:

“Really poor children in really poor neighborhoods have no habits of working and have nobody around them who works, so they literally have no habit of showing up on Monday,” Gingrich said.

“They have no habit of staying all day. They have no habit of ‘I do this and you give me cash’ unless it’s illegal.”

Yes, there are people out there who heard this, and undoubtedly said to themselves,“Yeah! He’s telling it like it is! Just like I would!”

Unfortunately, that person is probably your old-fart racist uncle who laments for a 1950’s existence that never really happened, and thinks that poor people are poor because they choose to be. He was also really pissed that Obama was gonna take away his Medicare and give us soshalized medicine, back when the newspeople still gave a rat’s squirt about the Army of the Pasty and Grammatically Challenged. In other words, Republican Archetype #29483.

Newt’s definitely got his vote, unlike Romney, who’s Republican Archetype #5210 – the rich, snotty preppy back in college who banged your girlfriend last night, told you about it, then offered to buy you a beer so you wouldn’t hold a grudge. I’m still not quite sure who he’s appealing to, other than the Magical Underwear Utah Posse. That, and billionaires who really don’t want to get their hands dirty with all that culture war/strapping young bucks/fetushizing stuff.

These assclowns are insane. Somewhere, a president is giggling.

Nov 14 2011

Stupid is the rule

And the hits just keep on coming. Not as incoherent as Palin, but damn near close. I suspect he just learned about Libya in the last month or so. I’m just surprised he didn’t think they were talking about “labia.” Seriously, what the fuck is he even talking about? Wingin’ it only takes you so far.

This is what happens when you have a party that has spent the last 10 years making being a moron into a sign of personal virtue. Somewhere, a president is laughing.

Nov 2 2011

Herman, you dawg!

Nah, I’m not going there. Sure, sexual harassment is most definitely important, but the fact of the matter is there’s no way this joker would ever be president to begin with, so why the big waste of time? Chances are this is all from the GOP establishment, as the teabaggers have so far proven to be useful idiots, but there’s no way in hell one of theirs is gonna get in the Oval Office. Ever. The GOP still stands for Guardians Of Privilege, rich white folks who throw the Bible-thumpers and mouthbreathers a bone every now and then, but from a distance where they won’t get any dog slobber on ’em.

In other news, my new normal is just around the corner. A job gig fell through this last summer, and I picked up a construction gig this summer, which has finally ended. I’ve been working three part-time jobs for the last few months, explaining the pathetic lack of your FBC. I’m going on a road trip with my bro next week through a bunch of places that I swore I’d never be caught dead in, so it’s gonna be interesting, and it’ll finally get my ass blogging again, too. Stay tuned. When I get back, things should finally return to normal around here. And if you’re still checkin’ in, thank you.

Oct 19 2011

Never fails to disappoint

These GOP debates are comical, in a pathetic kind of way. A few weeks ago, I said they could increase ratings by billing ’em as a reality show called America’s Biggest Idiot, but after last night, I think America’s Biggest Asshole would be even more appropriate.

Seriously. They seem like they’re all trying to be the most ignorant, mean dickhead possible. But, hey, that’s what their “base” wants, so they do not fail in that regard. Keep it up, folks, Obama is grateful, no doubt.

Oct 9 2011

In which JD meets Crazy Eyes

The weather’s been so shitty lately, and this weekend was like summer. The Sweetie’s sister is in town visiting for the weekend, and she’d never been to the White Mountains, so we all hopped in the car, and saw some major autumn color and great mountain views. We stopped in the tourist trap of North Conway, where I’ve been going forever, and went into Zeb’s general store. I’d never seen the Whites so crowded before, and Zeb’s was no exception. And then the tour bus pulled up outside:


This is too good to be true, I thought. She gave a quick speech outside that I didn’t hear, as I was waiting in a ridiculously long line to pay for my fudge, and then came in and shook hands with everyone in the place, asking each person their name and introducing herself. It was very weird…. she’s very short. So, anyways, the sweetie’s got the camera out, and Bachmann interrupted her picture-taking, lunging forward to shake her had. I wish the movie camera was rolling, as it woulda looked like Bachmann assaulted her.  She did the same to her sister as she was taking the picture.. maybe the corndog pic was still fresh in her mind and wanted as little photographic evidence as possible.

Every now and then, if someone had the look (especially the middle-aged, cross-wearing, vaguely teabagger-looking type), she’d throw a few extra words in, some contrived small-talk, then on to the next. I’ve met a few politicians, and without a doubt, I’ve never seen someone work a crowd that came across as so ingenuine, like some crazy little robot. And yes, she had crazy eyes.

She tried getting crazy-eyed on me, perhaps to suck my soul out through my eyes, but I think her Jeezus-radar detected I didn’t have the Spirit® , so it all went okay. I considered getting on my knees and begging her to rapture me, but instead I just said hi and took her handshake. It happened so quick, I couldn’t really think of anything clever or obnoxious to say. Most of the crowd looked like they didn’t have a clue as to who she was. It was surreal.