Five Before Chaos

Jeezus, if we did this in the U.S., huge swaths of the “heartland” would be in open revolt:

Among the do’s that are now don’ts? The ’80′s Prince-style pompadour preferred by many young Iranian men, the Steven Seagal-style ponytail and the “business in the front, party in the back” sentiment of the mullet — also popular among the Persian populace.

Now, if they could just ban other aspects of the 80′s,  they’d be well on the way to being a cultural superpower.

Someone needs to tell Ahmadinejad that he needs to budget a bit more money for the propaganda department. Or at the very least, stop hiring kids who just learned how to use the clone stamp in Photoshop.

From a diarist over at the Big Evil Orange, from one of the many Twitters coming out of Iran, a photo of a pro-Ahmadinehad rally, with some poorly photoshopped extra crowds:

Jeez, almost makes what Bush did look competent, fer chrissakes.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and the cast of the remake of “Outland”

In the latest shift in developments regarding Iran, Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced today that he is commencing filming on a remake of the classic 1981 science-fiction film “Outland”, starring Sean Connery. In the original film, often dubbed “High Noon in space”, Connery plays a law enforcement guy trying to get to the bottom of who’s passing out some psychosis-inducing drug to the space workers. Ahmadinejad himself, realizing the increasing public scrutiny he is under in recent days, has opted to play the role of Sheppard, the drug dealer played by Peter Boyle in the original:

At the press conference announcing the film, Ahmadinejad stated, “I don’t want the recent negative publicity about me in the U.S. to affect the success of this film, so I’ve given the lead role of O’Neil (originally portrayed by Connery) to my Assistant Deputy Minister of Culture, Razbek Uzmikistani (pictured right, in top picture). He has quite a background in Iranian dinner theater, and has seen Connery’s “From Russia With Love” eighteen times, so he is undoubtedly one of Iran’s master thespians.”  He then continued, “I have always been a fan of the original, I’m quite the sci-fi nut, actually. Filmaking has always been my first love, I just happened upon this oppressive leader thing on a lark, to be quite honest. Film is my true calling, and remaking Outland is a fulfilment of a lifelong dream for me.”

Not one to miss a moment to beat the drums of war, U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney commented on the news: “This so-called “Outland remake” is just the latest in the long line of deceptions from Mr. Ahmadinejad, as he continues to fund our enemies in the War on Terror and flaunt world opinion by developing nuclear arms. Independent of the fact that only a Westerner should consider remaking a classic such as “Outland”,  our intelligence is also reporting that the futuristic movie sets could quite possibly be concealing a complex network of nuclear missile silos. We need to bomb the shit out of them as soon as possible.”

Ahmadinejad is hoping to release the movie for the upcoming Ramadan movie season, so look for it then. I hope it’s at least as good as the original.