Five Before Chaos

I have to give a huge thanks to Mike Huckabee, for so many reasons. First off, for drawing more attention to how nutty the fundies really are. It’s not like it shouldn’t have been obvious to those paying attention, but of course, when you’re competing with American Idol, peoples’ attention is usually elsewhere.

Secondly, I’d like to thank him in accelerating the fracturing of the unholy cabal that makes up the Republican party - the warmongers, the millionaire/corporatists, and the religious nuts. The nuts really never had much in common with the other two (although they do share the aura of perpetual pants-pooping fear that typifies the warmongers).

See, everything was fine and dandy till Huck started up with the populist crap, something that really has no place in the Republican party. Then he was persona non grata. Hopefully, the fundie contingent is slowly waking up to the fact that they’ve been used, nothing more. Vote against gay marriage, get a capital gains tax cut. Vote to end abortion, get a huge corporate subsidy. Then again, looking at what these people believe, they do tend to be some of the most gullible and least inclined to critical thinking people in the country, so there’s really nothing surprising here. What they believe and what they want to make this country into will never happen, nor ever will it be a majority position. Sometimes I wish the Rapture would actually come so it would take these people away and I can ransack their belongings.There’s gotta be some cash in there somewhere with those Left Behind books, brilliantly Caucasian Jesus pictures and hairspray.

Lastly, I’d like to thank him for giving me so much content for the blog. “Mike Huckabee + dumb” and its many permutations have been my biggest Google referral so far.

Go below the jump for more Huckery as well as some commentary about William Jennings Bryan. It’s a long one.

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And so the godidiocy continues from Mike Huckabee. Now it’s how we “need to amend the Cosntitution to meet God’s standards.” From Pensito Review:

Huckabee:

“[Some of my opponents] do not want to change the Constitution, but I believe it’s a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living God, and that’s what we need to do is to amend the Constitution so it’s in God’s standards rather than try to change God’s standards,” Huckabee said, referring to the need for a constitutional human life amendment and an amendment defining marriage as between a man and a woman.

So basically, we’re talking about a Christian form of sharia (the Islamic law that theocratic Muslim states have).This stuff will undoubtedly win him some votes in Kansas and Oklahoma, to be sure. But it has about as much of a chance of happening a he does getting elected. And in Huckabee’s America, will he be consistent with Biblical law, or just the convenient ones, as these evangelical whackjobs usually are?:

In fact, while being gay is an abomination-class sin — along with eating shellfish, leftovers and snakes, reading a horoscope, burning incense, women wearing pants, arrogance, improperly covering your poop in the desert, to name a few — there are only Ten Commandments, and if you believe any of it, you have believe that being an adulterer is as immoral, and thus should be as illegal, as being gay, if not moreso.

I don’t poop in the desert… that’s not to say I won’t some day, but I have pooped in the forest. What does the Bible say about that? Am I off the hook? If this guy weren’t so serious, it’d be funny. Problem is there’s a number of people who believe the same horseshit. The Right’s Field has also picked up on this, but it focuses on Huck’s push-poll efforts as of late.

I know, some people on our side genuinely worry that Huck’s populist rhetoric and aw-shucks non-threatening demeanor can somehow get him to the White House. I beg to differ. There is so much well-documented dirt on this guy, godidiot related and otherwise, that I don’ think he’ll make it out of the primaries, let alone win the general. I really think this guy is the last gasp of the religious right.

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Huck’s winning this dubious honor twice in a row. We all thought Bush had that special gift of talking to God, especially when he wanted to know how to proceed with the best way to kill tons of innocents as the Lord wishes. But he can’t hold a candle to the Huckster. As ThinkProgress has revealed, Huck actually receives phone calls from the Almighty! And yes, the Sky Fairy really is a Republican! Who knew?

This was from the Republican Governors Association Dinner in 2004. Undoubtedly, VT governor Whinin’ Jim Douglas was in that audience, yucking it up as Huck did the Pandering to the Stupids®. I wonder if Douglas considers himself a foot soldier in that “army” that Huck was referring to?

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Well, not really. So far we have:

Has-been Chuck Norris, and….

I’ll-crap-in-my-pants-and-sit-in-it-so-I-don’t-get-drafted and redneck extraordinaire: Ted Nugent.

Oh, and how could I forget this guy, pro wrestler Ric Flair:

As David at the Right’s Field put it,

When I would go to my grandparents’ house in rural Pennsylvania as a kid, I would notice that the “new” songs on the radio were about 2 years old. Does that get multiplied for the Republican Party? Ric Flair? Ted Nugent? Chuck Norris? Has anyone given a rat’s ass about any of these people in the past 10 years?

Who’s next? Gary Busey? Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka? Maybe someone from one of the “Police Academy” movies? Huck’s a winner, I tells ya’, folks. You just wait and see…

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…or yet another Right-wing Idiot Who Will Never Be President. Mike Huckabee, Baptist minister, wingnut extraordinaire. Jump below for the goods…

I try not to pay too much attention to the GOP roster.. it’s continuously a panderfest to the lowest common denominator and all of the ugly things about our nation. But last week, Charity at “She’s Right” posted (and not surprisingly, admired) this YouTube clip of Huckabee from a recent debate:

Now, Charity was lamenting the idea that this is some sort of ‘religious test’, in that Huckabee was asked if he believed in the literal interpretation of Biblical creation. Sorry gal, that is an important question. Now, Huckabee kinda tiptoed around the answer, but anyone who would answer an unequivocal “yes” is most certainly not up to the job of being President. It’s bad enough we have a president that embarrasses us the world over for his many thoughts and actions. To have another president whose beliefs are so detached from reality (such as the creation myth) with a viewpoint that would yet again make us the laughing stock of much of the civilized world, is something we should be moving away from, not towards. We have already seen the perils of a leader who ignores science, whether it be stem cell research, global warming, or a host of other issues. Do we want yet another one?

Nothing screams “anti-science” more than the belief that the Sky Fairy created the world in 6 days, about 6.000 years ago. So it certainly does matter. I want to know how far my president’s head is up his ass. Being a Biblical literalist is usually a solid indicator. And as far as religious tests go, how many righties would vote for an atheist? Huckabee is full of shit when he says ‘we have plenty of choices to vote for if we want someone who doesn’t believe in God’. Really? Who? Did I wake up in some alternate reality where things actually make sense? But it gets worse. Huck’s been the subject lately over at my New Favorite Blog, The Right’s Field. He’s taken the lying to a new level…

During the Republican debate, Mike Huckabee said he believes one of the defining issues facing the country is the sanctity of human life. Arguing that the issue is of historical importance, he invoked the Declaration of Independence’s rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and said that most of the signers of the declaration were clergymen.

Not even close.

Only one of the 56 was an active clergyman, and that was John Witherspoon. Witherspoon was a Presbyterian minister and president of the College of New Jersey (now Princeton University).

This is part of that whole “America is a Christian nation” zombie lie, and any argument they can use to further that is fair game. In fact, a good portion of the Founders were deists, believing vaguely in a spiritual being on a philosophical level but not identifying with a specific sect, and CERTAINLY not as clergy.

Of course, as we all know, the kinds of people who would be receptive to that kind of statement aren’t exactly up with checking facts and other pleasantries that involve Things That Actually Happened. And speaking of logically challenged, well, Huck somehow manages to tie abortion, illegal immigration and the Holocaust into one tidy package. From Krugman:

“I gather that the press corps really likes Mike Huckabee. This in itself should scare you: in 2000 they really liked George W. Bush, too (and hated Al Gore.) But if that doesn’t scare you, this should:

Speaking before a gathering of Christian conservative voters, GOP presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee said legalized abortion in the United States was a holocaust.
Sometimes we talk about why we’re importing so many people in our workforce,” the former Arkansas governor said. “It might be for the last 35 years, we have aborted more than a million people who would have been in our workforce had we not had the holocaust of liberalized abortion under a flawed Supreme Court ruling in 1973.”

Aside from the equivalence between abortion and Nazi death camps, the idea that Roe v. Wade is responsible for immigration - the mind boggles.

Boggling, indeed.

Now I will say that Huckabee deserves some credit for actually talking about poverty. Unlike most in the GOP, he probably doesn’t step on the homeless, he steps over them. But that’s not enough to undo the holy B.S. that comes spewing forth every time he opens his mouth. Hey, at least washed-up action star and wingnut WorldNut Daily columnist Chuck Norris thinks Huck is the real deal. Huck very might well draw the diehard fundie votes away from Giuliani, but it’s not really going to matter. Most of them wil be crapping their pants at the idea of Hillary in the White House, so you know they’ll fall in line with the GOP when it comes down to it. Problem is (for them), when that happens, it’s going to show how they matter less and less as time goes on and society continues to be more liberal, and they take on the ‘crazy uncle’ role of the GOP.

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