Five Before Chaos

… in which we learn the real motivations behind the military’s lame-brained Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy, courtesy of Republican nutter congressdouche Duncan Hunter:

And I think the folks who have been in the military that have been in these very close situations with each other, there has to be a special bond there. And I think that bond is broken if you open up the military to transgenders, to hermaphrodites, to gays and lesbians.

Methinks that Hunter’s still struggling with some thoughts he might have had while looking at all those wee-wees in the shower while in the Marines. Either that, or he has a vagina.

A.A. Gill from Vanity Fair paid a visit to the notorious Creation Fred Flintstone Museum in Kentucky:

But we should cut the creationists a little slack, because every new bit of evidence, every discovery, is a nightmare for them. Take the ark. The big-boat business poses all sorts of questions. But, again, they’ve got answers. There are models and plans and layouts of the vessel. You can walk through a part of the hull. There’s biblical carpentry and weather reports. And the dinosaurs are on board. (They were probably small ones, the museum helpfully adds.) But recently scientists found a new giant rat and a fanged frog in Papua, New Guinea, so now some Noah-ists have to redesign the amphibian quarters. The rats probably sort themselves out. O.K., so you get everybody aboard, 10 million creatures, times two, without the neighbors’ noticing. Where did the water come from? You have to flood the whole world. Did they import water from the Scientologists? No: it came from underground. There is a great reservoir, presumably for flooding purposes, under our feet. I assume that’s where it went back to. Why don’t we drill for it to water Phoenix? (By the way, the flood is where we get fossils from. That’s all the dead stuff, caught in mud.) When the waters abated, the animals got off, stretched, and walked around the world eating one another’s children. I’m not making this up. Nobody’s making this up. This is what happened.

As PZ aptly observed:

It’s also ugly, cheesy, and stupid. People often try to excuse faith by claiming it inspired a lot of great art…but here is the evidence that god is dead. All his rotting corpse seems to inspire any more is cartoon kitsch. And Christian rock.

I really wish the Rapture would hurry up and get here so I can go through these peoples’ things and grab the good stuff (what that would be, other than money, who knows? – certainly not Left Behind Books and Christian rock CD’s).

Although I’m always all for anything that makes nutter heads explode (it doesn’t take much, today), I kind of agree with the Taliban on this one (can’t wait for someone to take that out of context and throw it up in my face years from now); Obama’s still bombing the shit out of Afghanistan, and we’re still in Iraq, hardly peaceful actions.

Ultimately, I don’t really care too much about the prize, other than the benefit of the schadenfreude I get for the loony right. Remember, the new rule of conservative patriotism goes like this: Good for America and good for Obama? BAD, Bad for Obama, bad for America? GOOD (see “Olympics, Clinton frees North Korean journalists, etc.”) And of course, it’s hysterical seeing the krazy kons give their opinions about what Obama should do, or even better when they once again reveal what miserable, racist pricks they really are:

“I did not know the Nobel Committee had affirmative action quotas they had to meet.”

That and they just can’t deal with the fact that we no longer have a president who is both as respected as and not as intelligent as dogshit.
Sigh. This is just too good. Just wait and see if we get that public option passed. What is the sound of a million empty craniums collapsing? We’ll know, then.

This was incredibly entertaining watching this. The right-wing douche looks like he’s trying not to crap his pants or cry.