Five Before Chaos

Good one in the Times about how the Godidiots got their asses reamed in the election. It’s basically an overview of how the American Taliban is in decline, but for me, the money quote, the one that says it all (and in their braindead moral absolutism, they will not learn from) is:

“It’s that the entire moral landscape has changed,” he said. “An increasingly secularized America understands our positions, and has rejected them.”

That won’t stop ‘em from trying, of course, but it’s nice to read, regardless.

I have to admit, I’m a bit shocked that Palin didn’t come across as the blithering idiot we’ve seen this last week. What’s one notch under blithering? Still completely idiotic, like listening to that date that you can’t wait to end.You know, the “Sweet Jesus, hurry up and finish your fucking milkshake so I can take you home… there’s still time for me to catch up with the guys for a beer!”

I’m suspecting the media will call this one a draw. She did master the non-answer. My problems with Biden were more so policy than anything else, but there’s no denying he’s light years ahead of her in the intelligence game. Unfortunately in these things, it’s not what they said, it’s how they made the viewers “feel”.

Looking around the internets, I think the left-blogosphere is somewhat let down because she just sounded like another dimwitted, ill-informed Republican douche instead of the ditzy pile of wasted oxygen and brain cell one she’s been acting like lately. I think her numbers will go up just a tiny bit after this, but it’s not going to change anything, and I’m sure there’ll be many more moments of interview stupidity. McCain is still toast, he’ll still lose if he doesn’t keel over first.

And if I hear “maverick” one more time, I’m going to fucking puke.

As previously mentioned, many are looking forward to the Veep debates tomorrow night, undoubtedly a high-water mark for surrealistic comedy during this campaign season. It’ll go down like this:

• Palin will give lots of non-answers, and pull here cutsie-poo dizty cheerleader thing to disarm critics.

• Biden will be passed off as mean, condescending, and sexist, purely for being able to use more than monosyllabic words, not use the word “like” in the middle of a sentence with two commas around it, and perhaps knowing where actual countries on the globe are.

There’s a good piece over at Alternet now by a guy who’s debated Palin several times. Apparently, she’s the master of the non-answer, and as a bonus, has that hardcore disdain for facts, that many conservatives find so sexy and appealing:

“Andrew, I watch you at these debates with no notes, no papers, and yet when asked questions, you spout off facts, figures, and policies, and I’m amazed. But then I look out into the audience and I ask myself, ‘Does any of this really matter?’ ” Palin said.

I have to say, for the first time ever since blogging, that I now have my Dan Quayle. You know what I mean, when some public figure is out there that is so mind-numbingly, excruciatingly stupid that s(he) provides a constant stream of snark-worthy material. It’s got to be how late-nite talk show hosts feel about Bush – there will undoubtedly be a comedy vacuum for a while when he’s gone.

So, speaking of comedy, the Veep debate is this Thursday. I can’t help but wonder how many people are going to be tuning in simply for the sheer idiocy of it all. Lefties all over the country, in addition to being enormously entertained, will have chronic bouts of schadenfreude. This will epitomize the pinnacle of the conservative movement in the last 20 years.. the sheer, utter glorification of stupidity and incompetence as a strength and personal virtue. Reagan would be proud. Dan Quayle is probably jealous.

There’s still part of me that wouldn’t be surprised if she “had a family emergency” and ducked out of it at the last minute. There’s even chatter that a good ol’ white trash wedding of her daughter right before the election might somehow lift McCain’s anemic numbers. How, of course, this is never explained. I can see it getting traction with those idiot voters who like Palin because they can relate to her being a ‘mom”, while forgetting that in their dimwitted fucktardery that we’re not electing a “mom”, we’re electing a president here. I don’t care if she can make a mean fluffernutter. And I don’t say that to disparage the vital function moms have in our society.. I have one, you know. It’s just that it’s apples and oranges… voting completely based on emotion with no thought processes involved.

So, anyways, the WSJ today revealed that since the McCain campaign knows they’re really screwed and stuck with her now, they’d better give her some ‘training’. Their solution?

Meanwhile, the more experienced advisers assigned to her by the McCain campaign are accustomed to working with seasoned candidates, not someone “completely green on the national stage,” one strategist said. Several Republican backers have griped that the campaign has put the candidate in difficult situations, from sitting for high-profile television interviews to popping into meetings with foreign leaders, some of whom made sexist remarks, said several officials.

“It’s time to let Palin be Palin — and let it all hang out,” said Scott Reed, a Republican strategist.

Yessssss (pumps fist wildly in the air)! I love how they’re trying to spin this, as though we’re supposed to believe that her batshit insane explanation of foreign policy experience (“living next to Russia”) weren’t her words.. they were McCain talking points! Uh, okay. Her own words? Expect a lot of “um” and “uh”, interspersed with awkward silences as her one or two synapses misfire. Also, expect how this will play out. The wingers will try to play it up that Biden was mean to her, and sexist, too. You know, for actually speaking in complete sentences and such. Oh, the horror.

Now, I’ve said it a bazillion times… the GOP pretty much uses the nuts on the religious right for votes, nothing else. They could give two shits about ending abortion, stopping the gays from getting married, or making glossolalia the other official language of the United States, but this particular base ain’t exactly the brimming with critical thinking skills, so thay gotta throw ‘em the red meat.

Problem is, they overstepped this one. By pickng a bonafide nutter that is so loved by the Godidiots, they failed to realize that this kind of candidate comes across to even the marginally-thinking Americans as, well, really stupid.

Yeah, I thought I was done with the CFIWU’s, but there’s still plenty of these people going around screwing it up for the sane people, so here we are. Two things, actually.

The first is from Ed at Dispatches from the Culture Wars.

First off, the hate group known as the American Family Association has their Baby Jesus butt-plugs all up in a bunch. Again. Why? Well, the European Union might (GASP!) pass a UN resolution that opposes sodomy laws:

Notice that the AFA is objecting to a non-binding declaration supporting the right of gays and lesbians not to be made into criminals, on the grounds that it will be used by “radicals” to overturn laws that do make them into criminals. Do you need any more evidence that they really do think gays and lesbians should be thrown in prison? Yes, these people really ARE that extreme.

Some 90 countries have laws that ban sodomy, and could eventually feel the brunt of the U.N. action.

They leave out one tiny little fact: virtually the only nations that actually enforce anti-sodomy laws are nations run by Islamic reactionaries based on Sharia law, like Iran and Saudi Arabia. You know, the very same nations who give support to the very terrorists we are fighting against around the world. The ones they constantly rant about as being evil – except, of course, when they agree with them, as they do here. And they wonder why we sometimes call them the American Taliban.

Of course, who’s surprised by this?

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Ya’ know, I’ve never been a Black Flag or Rollins band fan or anything. Stylistically, it’s not my bag. But I’ve always sorta dug Henry Rollins, because every interview I’ve read with the guy shows he’s a pretty smart guy. Stumbled on this little Rollins rant about the religious right(h/t to Pharyngula):

And so the godidiocy continues from Mike Huckabee. Now it’s how we “need to amend the Cosntitution to meet God’s standards.” From Pensito Review:

Huckabee:

“[Some of my opponents] do not want to change the Constitution, but I believe it’s a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living God, and that’s what we need to do is to amend the Constitution so it’s in God’s standards rather than try to change God’s standards,” Huckabee said, referring to the need for a constitutional human life amendment and an amendment defining marriage as between a man and a woman.

So basically, we’re talking about a Christian form of sharia (the Islamic law that theocratic Muslim states have).This stuff will undoubtedly win him some votes in Kansas and Oklahoma, to be sure. But it has about as much of a chance of happening a he does getting elected. And in Huckabee’s America, will he be consistent with Biblical law, or just the convenient ones, as these evangelical whackjobs usually are?:

In fact, while being gay is an abomination-class sin — along with eating shellfish, leftovers and snakes, reading a horoscope, burning incense, women wearing pants, arrogance, improperly covering your poop in the desert, to name a few — there are only Ten Commandments, and if you believe any of it, you have believe that being an adulterer is as immoral, and thus should be as illegal, as being gay, if not moreso.

I don’t poop in the desert… that’s not to say I won’t some day, but I have pooped in the forest. What does the Bible say about that? Am I off the hook? If this guy weren’t so serious, it’d be funny. Problem is there’s a number of people who believe the same horseshit. The Right’s Field has also picked up on this, but it focuses on Huck’s push-poll efforts as of late.

I know, some people on our side genuinely worry that Huck’s populist rhetoric and aw-shucks non-threatening demeanor can somehow get him to the White House. I beg to differ. There is so much well-documented dirt on this guy, godidiot related and otherwise, that I don’ think he’ll make it out of the primaries, let alone win the general. I really think this guy is the last gasp of the religious right.

Huck’s winning this dubious honor twice in a row. We all thought Bush had that special gift of talking to God, especially when he wanted to know how to proceed with the best way to kill tons of innocents as the Lord wishes. But he can’t hold a candle to the Huckster. As ThinkProgress has revealed, Huck actually receives phone calls from the Almighty! And yes, the Sky Fairy really is a Republican! Who knew?

This was from the Republican Governors Association Dinner in 2004. Undoubtedly, VT governor Whinin’ Jim Douglas was in that audience, yucking it up as Huck did the Pandering to the Stupids®. I wonder if Douglas considers himself a foot soldier in that “army” that Huck was referring to?

Last month, I did a bit on Mike Huckabee in regards to his creationist beliefs and how they reflect on his overall judgement, and how important it is that we require that our next President be one grounded in reality. Over at the Chimp, Steven Pizzo reflects on the questions that really must be asked of Huckabee and Romney, the two GOP candidates most stricken with the God virus:

For example, does he really believe, as the BoM states, that that American Indians (“Lamanites” as described in the BoM,) were one of the lost tribes of Israel, and were direct descendants of pre-Columbian Judeo-Israelite colonists who fled to the American continent around 400 AD? Does he believe this central tenet of the Mormon faith? And if so, how can he believe it since DNA testing has proven beyond doubt that America Indians actually descended, not from Semitic lines ,but rather Asian and Eurasian linage? I want to hear him reason that one through.

I’d eat my shoes to hear someone ask that one. But it’s important. Real important:

Why is that important? Because it tells us a lot about a person’s critical thinking and reasoning. And since the American presidency is an office that is often faced with reasoning through some of mankind’s most potentially deadly matters, wouldn’t you like to know how Mitt’s mind works? Wouldn’t you like to know how he navigates the world or real things with the spirit world he inhabits as a devote Mormon. I sure would like to know.

At the very least I would not want a fellow as president who actually believes that the ancestors of American Indians were, at any time in their history, a part of a worldwide Jewish Diaspora. I sure as hell don’t want someone that gullible and — let’s not mince words — stupid, mucking around in Middle East politics. And I sure don’t think we want someone who defend or otherwise rationalizes the absurd and entirely fictional version of human history making decisions about how we educate our children. (So, call me picky.)

But of course, no one will ask that question or anything similar, because it’s just so rude to ask a candidate a tough question about their faith. The fact that they continually bring it up at every opportunity is just so darn genteel, I suppose.

Earlier in the year, as the Presidential election started moving, I commented how, amidst the panderfest known as the GOP roster, it really seemed that Giuliani was pretty much kissing off the religious right, and how that would be a good thing, because if he gets the nomination, they really have no other viable alternatives. Seems like it’s going that way, as Salon, the LA Times and the NYT have all simultaneously picked up on this. The Godnuttiest candidates are stuck in the second teir (Brownback, Huckabee), or if Keyes is really in, the 10th tier. Grandpa Fred Thompson apparently can’t talk his way out of a paper bag, according to radical cleric James Dobson (from the LAT):

James C. Dobson, one of the country’s most influential evangelicals, told allies in a recent e-mail that Thompson could not “speak his way out of a paper bag.”“He has no passion, no zeal, and no apparent ‘want to,’ ” the founder and chairman of Focus on the Family wrote. “And yet he is apparently the Great Hope that burns in the breasts of many conservative Christians? Well, not for me, my brothers. Not for me!”

Perhaps the initial hype came from the fact that they just like the ‘burnin’ breasts’ of his porn-star lookin’ wife. Who knows. At any rate, they’ve all got their chastity belts in a wad at the prospect of a Giuliani nomination.

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