Five Before Chaos

The Rude One’s got a good one about how the Dems need some sack:

If Republicans had wanted universal health care, you would have seen commercials with heartless insurance agents stabbing babies and drinking their blood. You would have seen ads with desperate, laid-off old men offering to blow people for quarters so they could afford their insulin. You would have seen ads about how sad it is that a depressed middle-aged woman with a dream of a scrapbooking store is now suicidal over not being able to follow her small business dream because if she left her shitty office job, she’d lose her health care. The ad would have ended with a gunshot in darkness. People would have been begging for health care reform because Republicans would have made it seem like the world would fall apart without it.

Hits it out of the park:

Barring the revelation that a nominee owns a gay illegal immigrant-run abortion factory, President Obama’s gonna get whoever he wants onto the Supreme Court. Even Rupert Murdoch’s yapping dog, Karl Rove, knows that. But let’s push this even further. It’s not just that the American public has voted Republicans out of power. It’s that we’re sick of them. We don’t want to hear what they have to say about anything. The vast majority of us don’t care what Republicans want. When they talk, we stick our fingers in our ears and yell like angry teenagers, “Blah, blah, blah, lower taxes, blah, blah, blah, no gay marriage, blah, blah, blah, less regulation.” Seriously, at this point, listening to Republicans talk about policy is about the same as listening to a particularly articulate toddler explain why he refuses to shit in a toilet.

For those not easily offended, the Rude Pundit’s got two great ones right now.

Yesterday’s Time to Rub Their Fucking Faces in It:

Finally, for today, let’s kick John McCain and Sarah Palin while they’re down. Because everything they did made Barack Obama and Joe Biden seem that much more honorable and presidential. Because every misstep they made showed just how incredible and beautiful a machine the Obama campaign was. Because every slime McCain painfully threw ended up coating his face and made Obama seem that much brighter. Because every tinny, awkward, wrong word squeaked out of Palin made Biden appear even more the elder statesman. Because the country said to both of them, “You are full of shit, and we know it. Go the fuck away.”

And today’s Why the Hell Not? Let’s Gloat Some More:

Oh, Joe, Sean, Rush, Ann, Bob, Jonah, and the many, many rest. God, you know they’re so fucking pissed that Obama blew McCain away, that they couldn’t even try to steal this election or declare it illegitimate. Now they have to actually grapple with a reality, and they can’t get their tiny, narrow minds around it. But for we who won? Let’s enjoy the sight of the ants swirling and drowning in their own toilet.

I think my own gloating is starting to wear down. It’s like talking to a squirrel that was unlucky enough to fall into the hole in the outhouse and is wildly flailing around in a pile of shit trying to figure out how to get out, but can’t. It’s amusing at first, but then you start to realize that the squirrel’s going to be down there for a while, so it’s time to go build a few more outhouses. That make sense?

I know, not-Joe-the-not-plumber’s 15 minutes of fame are just about up, but he made an appearance on right-wing chronic masturbator Sean Hannity’s show the other day and said some unsurprisingly stupid things. He really is Joe Twelvepack. The Rude Pundit’s got a good take on it…

(emphasis mine)

And there, in a nugget of anti-wisdom, is all the delusional glory of white working class people who support Republicans. Apparently, for them, money for things like welfare or food stamps or whatever, which is fine when they need it, but is socialism when others do, is just pinched out by a money-shitting, giant bald eagle or something. Maybe Jesus jacks off, and where his seed falls, trees with golden apples grow. Maybe Uncle Sam just pukes greenbacks.

It also means, for anyone paying attention, who gives a shit what Wurzelbacher thinks? He’s an obvious idiot, not, as Hannity said, offering a manly hand job, “You’re the heart and soul swinging that wrench, you’re the heart and soul of what makes this country great.” No, actually Wurzelbacher is what makes this country a fucking laughingstock and a pathetic inbred cousin of what it could be. There’s plenty of working class people who actually do understand how taxation and social safety nets work. They also know that “spreading the wealth,” unlike what John McCain says, is what once made America great.